If you followed my blog from last year, I had named it around the idea of getting both a book (the dissertation) and a bikini (a fit body) done at the same time. Sadly, the book was the only thing that got checked off.
So, here I am again, looking at myself, wondering why I can’t get my act together. It’s not like I am not motivated. It’s not like I don’t have the resources I need to be successful. I just can’t get my body to cooperate!
Now that I’m (ahem) getting older, I know that my body isn’t going to respond like it used to. I have been told that I have “subclinical” thyroid problems, which never test high enough for treatment. I’ve been to three different doctors in the past three years trying to get help. I’ve also been told that I have insulin resistance issues, which causes my body to be hyper-sensitive to anything high glycemic. I was also advised last year by my gyno to stop taking birth control pills because of my “advancing” age. Stopping the pills caused me to gain about 20 pounds (all gained since July). Clearly, these pills were helping my poly-cystic ovarian problem, which is now unmedicated.
Why am I giving you all of this info? Is it too much? TMI? Sorry.
I just want to be honest. Honest with you all, honest with myself, and honest about what I can do to make this right.
When I weighed myself this morning, I was ashamed to see that I weight 163.4 pounds. What the hell happened in six months to make this happen??? Sure, it was winter and I wasn’t exercising as much at the end of the dissertation process. But really, 20 pounds???
I have never in my adult life weighed this much. When I moved to VA 14 years ago, I weighed no more than 115 pounds. I know it’s normal to gain weight when you get older, but this is clearly out of control. I’m also pretty short, 5’4″, so I know that I’m above the ideal weight range for my height.
To remedy this situation, I have decided on the following:
- Schedule ANOTHER doctor appointment. This time, I think I’m actually going to switch gyno’s and go to a female physician. Don’t get me wrong, I love my gyno, but I spent several hours in his office last year and I am not sure if he really appreciates the hormonal/thyroid/cystic/pill issue. It may be a situation where I’ll get the same story from another doctor, but at least I can give it a try. I have an appointment on April 1.
- Address my eating habits. Now, if you know me, I actually eat pretty clean. But, I have to take into account now the possible re-emergence of insulin resistence issues and change my food choices accordingly. If there’s nothing to do for me with medication, then I need to change what I’m putting in my mouth and eat low glycemic foods more often. I made the decision over the weekend to join Weight Watchers, since I know they have changed their program to be less “carb” focused. I put my goal weight at 130 pounds so we’ll see how it goes. I have 30 pounds to lose- which shocks and shames me that I’ve either allowed my body to get to this point or I’ve neglected my health somehow, which has resulted in this weight gain. Either way, it has to stop!
- Getting back to exercising regularly. I have made academics a priority in my life for such a long time. I never put myself first and my classes kept me so busy that I never have been able to exercise for longer than a couple of months with any regular schedule. Then, the foot injury last year really curtailed my efforts and I stopped my schedule. My goal is to have some sort of “mindful movement” every day, whether that be a cardio DVD, lifting weights, or just walking around the lake.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I have a problem. It needs to be fixed. I have to put myself first and make this a priority this year. My problem partly stems from the fact that I’m so “all or nothing”. If I slip up one day, I get frustrated with myself and completely derail.
Every Wednesday, I’ll update my weigh-in information to keep accountable.
So here I am, back on the bikini wagon. I have to get it right this time!